Dating Fails : Revenge & Dating — Part 2

I apologize for being so slow to publish more… It’s July 4th and I finally have a day off today when I can self-isolate in the backyard and continue writing.

I want to express my gratitude once again to everyone who’s been reading my blog and to everyone who’s been very supportive of my Personal Struggle Story.

In the last few months, I’ve been approached by some people who’ve suffered emotional abuse and financial exploitation in the hands of my ex. I hear there are even more people who have been wronged by him. Someone recently suggested that we should all start an emotional support group.

If you are one of his victims, please know that you don’t have to suffer in silence. Please know that there are people that you can talk to and please feel free to reach out to me for support.

If you haven’t watched She Said, a great movie that’s very underrated, you should. The film, directed by Maria Schrader, follows the real life story of 2 New York Times journalists who investigated and exposed Harvey Weinstein.

Yeah, it was a little painful to watch, nevertheless, I thought that this film was very sensitive to sexual assault survivors and very inspirational on many levels. Harvey Weinsten finally got exposed only because all these women banded together and supported each other by coming forward with their stories.

Why is my ex still on boards of Jewish schools and organizations? People need to come forward and expose his true identity … I’m just gonna leave it at that.

And now back to my dating revenge story:

Revenge & Dating Part 2:

I’m going to pick up where we left off. Back to last summer. Please note that this is a continuation of a narrative started here and I'm writing about the same Mike.

Last summer, I went through a very vulnerable period. Firstly, I suffered a bad heartbreak when I ended a relationship. I thought I was going to move to Chicago for him. I thought I could start a family with him. I was wrong.

Then, I stayed on the east coast for 3 weeks taking care of a dear friend who went through a major surgery. It was one of those life or death situations and after I spent 10 days in the ICU unit with her and slept in the hospital for 3 weeks, I was completely burnt out. Both physically and emotionally.

That’s exactly when Mike came back into the picture.

Those vulture types always have an uncanny ability to sniff out when someone is at their most vulnerable and strike them at their moment of weakness. Mike is definitely a vulture type. He is probably a narcissist too. Double whammy.

Mike has written to me a handful of times over the years suggesting we meet and “catch up” and we never actually got to do it because I was always cautious enough to keep him at a distance. In a few weeks leading up to last summer, Mike was meeting up with some of our mutual friends and as per multiple reports, was asking a lot about me. Apparently, he was interested in how I was doing, my whereabouts, what I was working on, and my current relationship status.

A friend called me to report that she thought that Mike was still into me (duh, since he was asking all these questions 😂) and suggesting that maybe I should take another look at him. In a typical female tendency to overanalyze and exaggerate, it was further extrapolated and assumed (since nobody actually asked him about it 😆) that he must have broken up with his gf and that he is finally ready for a serious commitment.

I was not at all surprised when Mike messaged me a few days later suggesting to meet up for a “catch up” drink. I was very single and pretty depressed after that breakup, and I thought to myself: “Why the hell not? What if people actually do change and mature? What if it could work?”

Shortly after, we met up at a posh private club where he was now a member. What was initially meant to be happy hour drinks, morphed into a fancy dinner at the club. I guess, Mike really wanted to show off and set the scene, which was a bit unlike him and slightly suspicious. But then again, he did recently leave a successful startup post its IPO and as their former executive, he must have made some good money there.

For the first half of what at the moment seemed to be a clear “date” to me, Mike was very dashing, self-confident and exceptionally flirtatious. He asked me many questions about my plans for the future, seemingly implying his interest to be a part of it. Mike even went as far as suggesting to combine our vacation plans and travel in Italy together later in the summer.

The “date” seemed to be going well as the alcohol was starting to kick in and I was starting to flirt back. Yet, a voice in my head kept telling me: “What’s the caveat?” Everything he was saying seemed too good to be true, which in my experience, is always the case. And knowing this individual, I kept on trying to figure out what his hidden agenda was 🤔.

About half way into our dinner, when the main courses were brought out, he suddenly switched the topic of conversion. Mike started telling me about his new involvement with a political nonprofit. Now that he had more free time on his hands, he got very active with this group and started pitching all about the great work this organization was doing. “Aha!” I thought to myself. That’s the caveat. Everything else was just a pretense for the purpose of soliciting a donation from me.

Naturally, I got very tense and defensive. I am VERY VERY sensitive to people who want to use me for money, for connections, or for something else. Especially after my ex and a few others, I am extremely distrustful of people and put off when I sense even a slightest hint of phoniness and hidden agendas.

At the same time, I felt like there was something else hiding behind the political spiel. Mike was too sharp to play so obtusely. I let him know that I was not interested and yet he kept talking about it and inviting me to an upcoming private reception with some big name senator. I kept trying to figure out what it was that he actually wanted from me. Was he asking me to go as his date to this function or was there something else I was missing? He was still very flirty and I was getting confused.

The moment of clarity finally arrived after I agreed to consider going as his plus one to meet with the senator at the end of the dinner, when after a 3 course meal Mike ordered another dish “to-go.”

Turned out, Mike’s girlfriend was home alone feeling a little under the weather. That was the first time she was mentioned that evening. He decided to give her some TLC and bring home her favorite dish to cheer her up. The apotheosis of his performance came in the form him texting and calling her at the table.

Mike was basking in his 2 minutes of glory. He sat there absolutely triumphant. He must have waited for that moment the whole time since my pool party 10 years ago. I was taken aback for a moment and then I just wanted to laugh. To laugh at the absurdity of that moment. The absurdity of that whole situation.

Mike must have thought that I was sitting there totally humiliated having spent the last 2 hours desperately flirting with a man who was unavailable. I believe that he was quite sure that I felt deep regret for having missed out on such a magnificent catch who was so dashing and successful. What he didn’t realize was that he actually achieved the opposite.

Yeah, I did feel a little stupid for a second, but then I realized that I was sitting there starring at an incredibly pathetic and hurt individual who went through extreme lengths to put on a thoroughly rehearsed performance to avenge me. I could only feel sorry for him. As if it was not obvious that the real reason why he asked me to “catch up” was to shove it in my face how bougie, successful, and socially connected he has become, and how he was actually no longer interested in me.

I must have really hurt his ego 10 years ago. It must have been a big blow for him then and I’m sorry. As I was bidding Mike farewell that night, I felt very reassured that I had made a right decision 10 years ago and dodged that bullet.

I just showed a friend an unpublished version of this post and she asked why I even wrote about this mofo (who’s really not worth it) in the first place. What’s the point of this story?

The point I want to make here is that this was a good lesson for me to finally learn to never regurgitate old flames, crushes, and exes. If it didn’t work out in the first place, there must have been a good reason for it. Especially, never try to date a guy you previously blew off. People don’t forgive. Especially, men. Especially men with sensitive egos. If someone was a shit individual 10 years ago, they are just as shit now.

Move on with your life and never look back. It’s just not worth it. It’s just not gonna work.